THE PORTFOLIO
"How Did I Get Here?" – A Career Retrospective
Software Engineering Intern
Subject attempting to look busy during daily standups. Claims he "definitely knows what Kafka is."
Acording to unverified sources, the subject somehow convinced a company to let him build a scalable data pipelines (read: duct-taped Django and Scrapy together) reduced data latency from 20+ minutes to under 5 (by turning the server off and on again). Also, he created an AI OCR agent that "mostly works if you squint"
The internship's greatest mystery remains how he successfully deployed Tanomee a freelancing platform despite his admission that he "just kept clicking buttons until the errors stopped." Colleagues report seeing him mutter incantations like "sudo fix everything" while deploying, and yet against all odds the platform somehow processed monetary transactions. "We don't question it anymore," said one anonymous coworker. "We just thank the tech gods and move on."
Suspiciously Specific Achievements
- • Led development of Tanomee freelancing platform (still unsure what "led" means)
- • Integrated Kafka-Python (after 47 StackOverflow tabs)
- • Built an AI Agent that extracts data from PDFs (and occasionally from the void)
- • Managed client communication (translation: sent GIFs in Slack)
A rare screenshot of his IDE before the inevitable red squiggles appeared.
Technologies (He Swears He Used)
Leadership Roles (Aka Note Taker)
Joint Secretary | SAC IIITN
Allegedly managed events with 10,000+ participants while struggling to manage his own sleep schedule. Responsibilities included: Nodding seriously in meetings, Pretending to understand bureaucracy & Smiling through technical difficulties
Management & Marketing Lead | GDSC IIITN
Orchestrated events for 1,200+ students while somehow keeping attendance sheets more organized than his code comments. Increased social media engagement by 60% through the strategic use of memes and pretending to understand Instagram algorithms. Became proficient in writing captions that sounded inspirational but were actually copied from motivational cat accounts.
Research Team Member | TNP IIITN
Compiled a database of 500+ companies while his personal database of job applications remained unanswered. "Research" mostly involved: Googling "best companies to work for", contacts he'd never message & worked with 30+ students (by forwarding emails).
Subject attempting to look authoritative. Note the car he is driving.
Skills Acquired
- • Nodding at inappropriate times
- • Writing emails that sound important
- • Delegating tasks he doesn't understand
- • Pretending to take minutes (actually doodling)